QB Issue Resolution:

Sorry, but this is a community/user forum.  Intuit employees do answer questions here, but even they don’t have access to your account (and it’s Saturday hence fewer of them online).

You need to contact Intuit.  As far as I know, this is still the only way to do that for  QBSE:

https://quickbooks.intuit.com/community/Getting-Started/How-to-Contact-QuickBooks-Self-Employed-Supp…

To cancel QBSE yourself:

https://community.intuit.com/articles/1768929-cancel-your-quickbooks-self-employed-subscription

Resolution for Issue 'Omg! Why can’t I talk to a human' available: Yes (Solved).
Source: Intuit Community forum.

Omg! Why can’t I talk to a human: this issue or error code is a known issue in Quickbooks Online (QBO) and/or Quickbooks. Support for this issue is available either by self-service or paid support options. Experts are available to resolve your Quickbooks issue to ensure minimal downtime and continue running your business. First try to resolve the issue yourself by looking for a resolution described below. If it is a complex issue or you are unable to solve the issue, you may contact us by clicking here or by using other support options.

Support for Contact Intuit
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